A window leaning into life

There’s something comforting about the idea that certain events or connections are “meant to be” – that there’s some larger pattern or purpose to our lives. Many people find meaning in interpreting significant events as part of a larger plan.

On the other hand, I’m drawn to the perspective that we have genuine agency in shaping our lives, and that the future isn’t predetermined. There’s something powerful about the idea that our choices and actions genuinely matter in determining what happens.

Some philosophical traditions try to reconcile these views – suggesting that perhaps certain broad patterns might be destined while specific details remain under our control, or that destiny might operate at a higher level while still allowing for free choice within certain parameters.

I would say I don’t believe in fate but, I’m Portuguese….

Fado, as a music genre, is deeply tied to the Portuguese concept of saudade—a mix of longing, nostalgia, and fate. The very word “Fado” comes from the Latin fatum, meaning “fate” or “destiny,” reflecting the idea that life’s joys and sorrows are inescapable.

Even if you don’t fully believe in fate, Fado embodies a cultural perspective where destiny plays a role in shaping human experiences—especially in love, loss, and hardship. The music suggests that some emotions and events are inevitable, but at the same time, Fado is an expression of personal agency, as singers pour their souls into shaping the narrative.

Portuguese culture carries a certain introspective melancholy—not just in Fado but also in literature, poetry, and even the way history is remembered. There’s a balance between accepting sorrow as part of life and finding beauty in it.

Saudade and Fado are deeply intertwined with Portuguese history, emerging from and reflecting the nation’s unique historical experiences.

Portugal’s identity was profoundly shaped by the Age of Discoveries (15th-16th centuries), when this small nation became a global maritime empire. This period created a culture of separation and longing – sailors and explorers left home for years or forever, families were torn apart, and communities lived with constant absence. Saudade developed as an emotional response to this collective experience of separation.

The economic structure of this maritime empire meant Portugal was often looking outward rather than developing internally. When ships didn’t return or imperial ventures failed, this created a cultural pattern of anticipation followed by disappointment – another dimension of saudade.

After this golden age came Portugal’s long decline – the loss of independence to Spain (1580-1640), the devastating Lisbon earthquake of 1755, the Napoleonic invasions, the loss of Brazil, and the political turmoil of the 19th and early 20th centuries. This historical arc from glory to struggle embedded a sense of lost grandeur in Portuguese cultural consciousness.

Fado emerged in the early 19th century primarily in working-class urban neighborhoods of Lisbon, coinciding with a period of national difficulty. It became a musical expression of this complex historical experience – not just personal longing but a collective cultural memory of past greatness contrasted with present difficulties.

During the Salazar dictatorship (1933-1974), this backward-looking tendency was sometimes exploited – the regime used a sanitized version of Fado and the concept of saudade in its propaganda. Yet authentic Fado remained a vital way for common people to express their emotional relationship with fate and history.

Eduardo Lourenço described Portugal as suffering from “hyperidentity” – an excessive preoccupation with national identity and destiny based on a mythologized past. Saudade and Fado became cultural spaces where this complex relationship with history could be emotionally processed rather than just intellectually analyzed.

This historical context helps explain why Fado approaches fate emotionally rather than philosophically – it emerged as a way for people to express and make sense of their lived historical experience rather than to theorize about it.

A lot of musical landscapes could exemplify this, I chose my favorite. No Teu Poema / In your Poem. A magnificent poem written by José Luís Tinoco , first sang by Carlos do Carmo in 1976, and here in my absolute favorite version by Amor Electro. Not Fado as such but the melancholy is still there.

This is a beautiful example of how the Portuguese poetic tradition captures both resignation and resistance. The lyrics acknowledge pain, struggle, and fate (a sina de quem nasce fraco ou forte), but they also hold space for courage (o passo da coragem em casa escura), hope (a esperança acesa atrás do muro), and an open future (um verso em branco à espera do futuro). A blank verse without measure exists. It suggests that within fate’s poem, there are still unwritten spaces. These are moments of possibility within destiny’s framework.

Perhaps most powerful is “A dor que sei de cor, mas não recito” (The pain I know by heart, but do not recite). This suggests that fate’s pain is so deeply internalized that it need not be explained or philosophized about—it simply exists as emotional knowledge.

For me, this song beautifully captures how Fado approaches fate—not by explaining why things happen, but by emotionally inhabiting the experience of living within destiny’s constraints while finding both beauty and dignity in that condition.

It’s like life is shaped by forces beyond our control—fate, history, circumstance—but within that, there’s still the individual’s voice, the choice to fight, to persist, or to find meaning. Do you feel like this duality is part of your own outlook on life?

No teu poema
Existe um verso em branco e sem medida
Um corpo que respira, um céu aberto
Janela debruçada para a vida

No teu poema
Existe a dor calada lá no fundo
O passo da coragem em casa escura
E aberta, uma varanda para o mundo

Existe a noite
O riso e a voz refeita à luz do dia
A festa da senhora da agonia
E o cansaço do corpo que adormece em cama fria

No teu poema
Existe o grito e o eco da metralha
A dor que sei de cor mas não recito
E os sonos inquietos de quem falha

No teu poema
Existe um cantochão alentejano
A rua e o pregão de uma varina
E um barco assoprado à todo o pano

Existe a noite
O canto em vozes juntas, vozes certas
Canção de uma só letra e um só destino a embarcar
O cais da nova nau das descobertas

Existe um rio
A sina de quem nasce fraco, ou forte
O risco, a raiva a luta de quem cai ou que resiste
Que vence ou adormece antes da morte

No teu poema
Existe a esperança acesa atrás do muro
Existe tudo mais que ainda me escapa
E um verso em branco à espera
Do futuro

In your poem
There is a blank verse, boundless and free
A body that breathes, an open sky
A window leaning into life

In your poem
There is silent pain deep within
The step of courage in a darkened home
And open, a balcony to the world

There is the night
Laughter and a voice remade by daylight
The feast of Our Lady of Agony
And the weariness of a body
That falls asleep in a cold bed

In your poem
There is the cry and the echo of gunfire
The pain I know by heart but never recite
And the restless sleep of those who fail

In your poem
There is an Alentejan chant
The street and the call of a fishmonger
And a ship blown forward at full sail

There is the night
The song in voices joined, voices sure
A tune with just one word, one shared fate
Embarking from the dock
Of a new ship of discoveries

There is a river
The destiny of those born weak, or strong
The risk, the rage, the struggle
Of those who fall or those who resist
Who triumph or fall asleep before death

In your poem
There is hope burning beyond the wall
There is everything else I cannot yet grasp
And a blank verse waiting
For the future

To be continued ….

References

Photo: Artur Pastor – Heavenly Light

The Power and Limits of Cultural Myths in Portugal’s Search for a Post-Imperial Role

“The Zenith of our National History!”

Fado History at Museu do Fado

The unlived life of N S

The unexamined life is surely worth living, but is the unlived life worth examining?

I think Stanley Kubrick actually captured something similar when he said “The truth of a thing is in the feel of it, not the think of it.”

While Socrates emphasized reflection as crucial to a meaningful life, there needs to be something substantive to reflect upon. Pure contemplation without lived experience could become a kind of hollow philosophical exercise.

There’s a point where self-reflection can spiral into a kind of paralytic introspection or self-commiseration.

When examination turns into rumination, we find ourselves in an echo chamber of our own thoughts. This detaches us from the vitality of direct experience. Excessive self-examination can also drain experiences of their natural meaning and immediacy.

Yet, I wonder if the issue isn’t with examination itself, but with its nature and purpose. There’s a difference between examination that enriches our engagement with life – helping us understand our patterns, make better choices, appreciate moments more fully – and examination that becomes a form of self-absorbed withdrawal from life.


A little more sun – I’d have been embers,
A little more blue – I’d have been beyond.
To reach it, I lacked the stroke of wings…
If only I had stayed beneath…

Wonder or peace? In vain… All faded
In a vast, deceitful sea of foam;
And the grand dream awakened in mist,
The grand dream – oh pain! – almost lived…

Almost love, almost triumph and flame,
Almost the beginning and end – almost expansion…
But in my soul, everything spills out…
And yet nothing was mere illusion!

Everything had a start… and all went astray…
– Oh, the pain of being – almost, endless pain…
I failed others, failed myself,
A wing that entwined but didn’t fly…

Moments of soul that I squandered…
Temples where I never raised an altar…
Rivers I lost without leading to the sea…
Yearnings that passed but I never held…

If I wander, I find only traces…
Gothic arches toward the sun – I see them closed;
And hands of heroes, without faith, cowardly,
Set bars over the precipices…

In a diffuse impulse of despair,
I began everything and possessed nothing…
Today, of me, only disillusion remains,
Of the things I kissed but never lived…

A little more sun – and I’d have been embers,
A little more blue – and I’d have been beyond.
To reach it, I lacked the stroke of wings…
If only I had stayed beneath…


(AI translation)

Here's the original poem, Quase by Mário de Sá Carneiro:


Um pouco mais de sol – eu era brasa,
Um pouco mais de azul – eu era além.
Para atingir, faltou-me um golpe de asa…
Se ao menos eu permanecesse aquém…

Assombro ou paz? Em vão… Tudo esvaído
Num grande mar enganador de espuma;
E o grande sonho despertado em bruma,
O grande sonho – ó dor! – quase vivido…

Quase o amor, quase o triunfo e a chama,
Quase o princípio e o fim – quase a expansão…
Mas na minh’alma tudo se derrama…
Entanto nada foi só ilusão!

De tudo houve um começo … e tudo errou…
– Ai a dor de ser – quase, dor sem fim…
Eu falhei-me entre os mais, falhei em mim,
Asa que se enlaçou mas não voou…

Momentos de alma que, desbaratei…
Templos aonde nunca pus um altar…
Rios que perdi sem os levar ao mar…
Ânsias que foram mas que não fixei…

Se me vagueio, encontro só indícios…
Ogivas para o sol – vejo-as cerradas;
E mãos de herói, sem fé, acobardadas,
Puseram grades sobre os precipícios…

Num ímpeto difuso de quebranto,
Tudo encetei e nada possuí…
Hoje, de mim, só resta o desencanto
Das coisas que beijei mas não vivi…

Um pouco mais de sol – e fora brasa,
Um pouco mais de azul – e fora além.
Para atingir faltou-me um golpe de asa…
Se ao menos eu permanecesse aquém…


Yes, that “agony of the almost” is the heart of what makes this poem so powerful and painful. Sá-Carneiro captures something uniquely torturous about consciousness – not just the pain of failure, but the specific suffering that comes from knowing you came close and fell short. All the intention was there – just not the final decisive action. It’s the difference between never having talent and having talent you squandered.

There’s also something especially modern about this kind of suffering. In earlier times, one’s path might have been more predetermined by circumstances. But now, we face a growing burden of choice and possibility. This makes the failure to realize potential feel like a personal shortcoming instead of an external limitation.

And, again, the same question, is the unlived life worth examining? Awareness itself can be a curse. As Sá-Carneiro, we don’t just lament missed opportunities, but also knowing about them – and wish we “had stayed beneath.” Self-reflection does have a potential to become self-commiseration – when awareness of what could have been overwhelms and paralyzes rather than motivates. And we stay trapped between worlds – neither fully engaged in life nor able to transcend it (“To reach it, I lacked the stroke of wings…”)

If, as Joan Didion wrote “We are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not”, we might as well learn how to come to terms with the people we did not become.

References
Adam Phillips, Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life